If Only

If you could only see me from the inside out...running in a field of flowers amid the morning dew...Supping white wine inside my thoughts...if only

Saturday, February 23, 2013

Somewhere along the way, things turned from a sunny yellow to a cluster of facts for me. The smooth edges of childhood became a tear drop of maturity. Gone are the echoes of hear-says, murmurings, and words of wisdom that came from the both of you. Oh, I remember them so well.... One voice lies silent inside his place of sleep within a world of cement. Somewhere in another world, mama no longer knows of years, days or presidents in office. Seems so strange to here her say "Abe Lincoln".. Yes, I've lost her too, though I have her with me every day... Oh yes, I hear the other voice, often, with such clarity.... It seems to be locked inside the lace-like sleep of my locked mind.... "What did you say?" "Oh, that's what I thought you said." "No daddy, I was not prepared to stand upon the stage of life alone.... Ah, but I am grown, married and can do this...Yes, I must do this... Sunday afternoons take me across town where you're buried...I find myself thinking many things. So many wonderful memories, daddy. I drive down-hill on the white-paved road where you rest... The whole place is certainly 'spit shined'...Much like your boots were. Yes, eternal rest daddy... Bonnie blue skies stand at attention bearing puffed clouds that glide ever so gracefully to greet one and all...Well kept lawns are always expected on government property... I sit a moment in the car watching others kneel beside their loved ones..... The planes fly overhead with loud proclamations..... You always liked watching planes land and take off. You were in the Navy and talked of their landing on the ship that you were stationed on in WWII. I speak with you, bring flowers and tell you I love you. I think you speak to me, at times...I really don't want you to see me cry as I pick up my emotions and tell you goodbye. You have been gone now since 2008...I still can't make myself listen to your radio tapes.. I hold them dearly amidst a shadow of pain... Someday, yes just maybe someday, I can listen. Bye for now... I will return again, on Sunday.... I love you daddy


anilkurup said...

Sandy, had to read it slowly and twice to sink in deep. And it did.
You have expressed the grief, sorrow sauteed by wonderful memories of the past.
The poignancy of the mother's plight stands out in those few lines.
One can empathize with the figure of the father who has been lost.

Musings said...


Please check my Blog Post for an award nomination in appreciation of your Blog.

Sandy said...

Thank you for reading my post. I guess one does not bury their parents even though the parents are buried in death...My daddy was a minister and is still on the radio every Sunday..I still can not listen to his voice...Funny but grief is dealt with as an individual thing..and it must be so...

Sandy said...

I also left a note on your award blog today. Congrats again....:-)

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Pam Barletta said...

Heartbreaking and heartwarming; hurtful and hopeful...ah dear friend you are far from alone! We all live in our own little worlds of potpourri filled with dreams and reality; wondering which is the truth; scattered in in a jigsaw of pieces trying to decide how to put it all together so that it makes sense. Don't ever stop reaching out to hold hands with the world beloved Sandy as your Love will sustain you, for you are the rare one who is able to see the flicker of light in the darkest of nights.... Love Always, Pam

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