If Only

If you could only see me from the inside out...running in a field of flowers amid the morning dew...Supping white wine inside my thoughts...if only

Saturday, February 23, 2013

Somewhere along the way, things turned from a sunny yellow to a cluster of facts for me. The smooth edges of childhood became a tear drop of maturity. Gone are the echoes of hear-says, murmurings, and words of wisdom that came from the both of you. Oh, I remember them so well.... One voice lies silent inside his place of sleep within a world of cement. Somewhere in another world, mama no longer knows of years, days or presidents in office. Seems so strange to here her say "Abe Lincoln".. Yes, I've lost her too, though I have her with me every day... Oh yes, I hear the other voice, often, with such clarity.... It seems to be locked inside the lace-like sleep of my locked mind.... "What did you say?" "Oh, that's what I thought you said." "No daddy, I was not prepared to stand upon the stage of life alone.... Ah, but I am grown, married and can do this...Yes, I must do this... Sunday afternoons take me across town where you're buried...I find myself thinking many things. So many wonderful memories, daddy. I drive down-hill on the white-paved road where you rest... The whole place is certainly 'spit shined'...Much like your boots were. Yes, eternal rest daddy... Bonnie blue skies stand at attention bearing puffed clouds that glide ever so gracefully to greet one and all...Well kept lawns are always expected on government property... I sit a moment in the car watching others kneel beside their loved ones..... The planes fly overhead with loud proclamations..... You always liked watching planes land and take off. You were in the Navy and talked of their landing on the ship that you were stationed on in WWII. I speak with you, bring flowers and tell you I love you. I think you speak to me, at times...I really don't want you to see me cry as I pick up my emotions and tell you goodbye. You have been gone now since 2008...I still can't make myself listen to your radio tapes.. I hold them dearly amidst a shadow of pain... Someday, yes just maybe someday, I can listen. Bye for now... I will return again, on Sunday.... I love you daddy

Wednesday, January 23, 2013

Secluded, through time zones, I sip from the nectar of your words as I sit quietly inside your world…. You are here but I am lost in the winter of my days, still yet...….. I wait while relishing a bit of your time…It taste of promises, sweet cinnamon and of infinity….. A secluded place in the mountains, I have created for no ones eyes but ours. I shuffle my life into the shadows when I can’t taste, feel or dress you inside my mirror… My eyes paint you at the intersection of each image...I kiss them all You know…... Like a Roman God, they speak To me………Like a Roman Goddess, I speak "Ubi tu gaius ego gaia", in quiet reply EGO diligo vos meus Romanorum Breul. EGO specto thee

Monday, December 31, 2012


Night falls on the closing of 2012. I look around to observe a myriad of changes, but my heart is not silent as I see the windows that continue to close on God and all that he is to America. I think about Sandy Hook Elementary School. Christmas, birthdays, unwrapped toys lying in the corner. The parents’ hearts are wrapped in sorrow and grief. God alone can unwrap the upcoming years with healing to the broken. What has happened in this world? Think of the young girl in India who was recently raped and tortured in such a horrendous manner. Why didn’t someone help? Is this another one of those thoughts in today’s new world? "Oh, please, I don’t wish to be involved in this, so I will look the other way while someone else does something." Yes, we are too busy even if it means someone is murdered. What happened to the Biblical teaching of going the extra mile (Matthew 5:41-42)? Could that pertain in this case? The saddest part of all is that we’ve become complacent and have taken up the adage of the in crowd: "Anything goes, and don’t get involved." After all, this is a new generation of people; things have changed since the old days. We are said to be living in the dark ages if we live by the principals that our parents lived by (and taught us). You know some of those. A hand shake is our bond or do unto others... If your brother needs help, give your all including the shirt off your back. Our conscience is seared and split by whatever feels good to us. Well, the New Year is upon us and it's bound to be different, isn’t it? Thank God for his mercy and grace. It never changes from year to year. I am thankful for my mother being with us at Christmas, and my niece was here limping, but smiling. Wait upon the Lord and he will renew your strength God bless you all this upcoming year. December 31, 2012

Thursday, December 27, 2012

The Artists' Image

I oft times ponder the eye gate of an artist, his heart, and his subject. Does his painting project what he feels thru his own imbued emotions - paintings, possibly created by number? This would indicate the number of women, if he painted women, that meant something to him or subjected him to great vexation or happiness. Whatever the image from his mind to paint brush… albeit, mother, wife, girlfriend, lover? Who knows? Point being made, the facial expressions in paintings are what the artist mirrors about the subject, be it woman or man. Famous faces on an easel will be sold for millions of dollars. People stop to ponder what they see in the art gallery. After deciding what they think (and who makes them an authority?), they create that person’s life experience within their own metaphoric chambers. Do they know? Maybe so…. I think of Marilyn Monroe, Joan of Arc, Lady Godiva and Jacqueline Kennedy, just to name a few. They all looked fairly content with only a hint of sadness, didn’t they? After their passing, we learned of turmoil that seemed to be kept in the lower chambers of their heart where fragile lies the face therein. Does an artist see this through his own pain and suffering? I wonder……

Saturday, December 8, 2012

The Broken Window
"May I come in, he said as he peered through the broken window at her. The wood that divided the panes resembled a cross that seemed to illuminate the sadness etched across her face. Could the sun be drawing its own image of her, he wondered? Pensively, she stared at him for a few seconds before answering. “Dreams that have been deferred by life and its valleys, have left me broken, she said as she gazed at the wooden floor. The cold winters hovered in her bosom like suspicions that could not thaw in a world that held no promise. He walked closer to the broken window and spoke softly to her. “Please, my beautiful one, don’t let my love for you turn to dust inside your wintered soul.” She lifted her eyes to meet his stare as tears traced her face with their own stories. “My Sir, she spoke in a soft voice that reflected her love for him; “the mirror no longer stares back at me with hope.” He heard the sunset-ring in her voice as he felt the tears brimming up in his own eyes. “My dearest Missy Green Eyes, don’t you realize that a woman like you makes me hunger deep within my tomorrows?” The cross shadowed her face as the sun continued its drawing. “Look at me”, he said to her with the eyes of a mighty hunter. “Hell will not stop me now nor the demons therein.” “I shall come for you in the summer of our time.” He turned and walked toward the setting sun like a cowboy of yesteryear…She walked closer to the broken window placing her hand on the sun-drawn cross. She knew he would return to take her away. She knew she would go. She loved him…..The hunter had found her waiting….. waiting in her new white dress

Wednesday, November 14, 2012

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~THANKSGIVING~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Today, for a long time, I sat staring out the window.. Orange leaves, like passing seasons, waved aimlessly while the incertitude within me seemed to identify as winter lingered under painted skies of promise... Thanksgiving sections me into a glass of many colors.. I see the images of pumpkins and pilgrims thru the mirror of reflections. I see the smile of my mother, quiet, inside the frame of what will be her heavenly color... One may meditate on any aspect of this wonderful holiday, thankful for things in the past, present and this moment.. In the field of November thoughts, amid pumpkin pie I am thankful this day for God’s mercy and his amazing grace

Friday, November 2, 2012

Glass of Colors

I reside amid the valley of stone washed dreams... They speak to me in shadowed syllables about our flight, which may never come to be... Can this ladder of realism be climbed as you indicate? Stepping from my box, the light smothers my mind as yesterdays’ moments trace my broken steps into a mirage of broken stones; a tangled bridge will not allow me to cross where your promises are swirling; where your sweet love beckons me... The clouds sweep ore me in shimmering smiles as your lips whisper down the golden sun; your hands become soft petals that caress me as your words melt me; Sunday morning, coming down... Walk me carefully into your thornless rose world as you section me into a glass of colors; remove this fluid pain... Promise me the moon from your distant mindset... until my purple window mirrors you, in fullness